I joined the Army at 45, leaving behind a stable civilian career to serve. I knew the transition would be challenging, but I still underestimated the toll it would take – not just on me, but also on my family. This reflection is not a complaint, but a call to action. Because if we want to retain good people, we must do more to support the families who serve alongside them.

The Real Cost of Service

In my previous civilian career, I rarely missed family events. I supported my wife daily, and our life was predictable. Now, I live away from her most weeks, she manages our household alone, researching new communities and jobs for our posting. She does it with grace, but I know she should not have to.

We are preparing for a move to Darwin. I do not know what my job will look like. She does not know where we will live. We do not have young children, and for that, I am grateful – I see the strain on families who do. I have met colleagues who have posted away from their families during critical schooling years. Many are on second or third marriages. The emotional and financial cost is real.

History Has Warned Us

This is not a new problem. The Auditor-General’s Audit Report No. 35 1999-2000, Retention of Military Personnel highlighted how postings disrupt family life, children’s education, and spouses’ careers. In 2008, MAJGEN Slater reflected on the words, “We recruit the member and retain the member’s family.” That truth still stands – but we have not acted on it enough.

I read Exit Wounds by MAJGEN John Cantwell. Both he and his family are deeply affected by his wartime service and while not necessarily the intention of his book, I reflect that his family moved 23 times. That is not just a number – it is a lifetime of upheaval. It made me think: are we doing enough to support families through these transitions? I do not think we are.

A System Built for another Time

The posting system has not changed much in decades. However, society has. Most families now rely on two incomes. Spouses have careers, not just jobs. Children face intense academic pressure. Moving every few years is not just inconvenient – it is disruptive.

We are still operating in a system designed for single-income households. That is no longer reality. While postings are valuable for career development, they must be managed with empathy and foresight.

The Little Things Matter

Throughout my training, I heard the phrase “the little things matter.” It resonates deeply. Because in Defence we have outsourced perceived little things, things that are not our core job but affect our largest asset, our people. I cannot help but think that from the highest ranks we have forgotten that little these things are big things that affect our serving lives. It is often the little things – posting uncertainty, lack of support for families, poor communication – that accumulate and become big things. These are not minor inconveniences. They are stressors that affect relationships, careers, mental health, and subsequently: retention.

Defence has outsourced many roles it considers “non-core.” However, these are the very roles that support our core mission. From relocation services to base amenities, these “little things” shape the daily experience of serving members. When they are done poorly, it sends a message: your comfort, your family, your wellbeing; are not priorities.

A Call to Action for our Leaders

To our Defence and Army leaders: we must do better. Retention is not just about pay – it is about people. It is about making service sustainable for families. The things we need to do a better job with include:

• Planning careers with families in mind.
• Offering flexible posting options.
• Supporting spouses’ employment.
• Improving relocation services.
• Communicating clearly and early.
• Holding outsourced providers accountable.
• Providing an internal forum for members to tell their story.
• Treating service members differently than civilians – because their lives are different.

We have known this for decades. We have said the right things. Now it is time to act.

A Call to Action for you

To our colleagues, friends, and mates: tell your story. Tell me, tell someone, tell anyone that will listen to your experience.

There is a missed opportunity here to find a forum to tell our story internally, talk about what it would take for us to quit, to read about our mates’ past personal experiences, and use the wealth of that knowledge to reset, influence, and improve our own futures and ultimately make it easier to serve.

In Conclusion

I hesitated to write this. I wondered if my opinion mattered. However, after talking with mates, hearing their stories, and living the experience myself – I know it does. If this reflection resonates with even one person, then it is worth sharing.

We recruit the member. We retain the member’s family. Let’s start truly acting like it.